Tuesday, January 15, 2013

What Am I Doing?

I think there is a trend in today's evangelical world, where women often ask themselves, "What am I doing?" Whether it's "What am I doing with my life? What am I doing for the kingdom? What am I doing for myself? What am I doing for ministry? Whatever the question is, we have all asked it in some way, shape or form. We all want to know where our place is. Discontentment with our current situation seems ever present. The single girl just wants a guy, the girl with a guy just wants to get married, the wife just wants a kid, then she doesn't, then she wants her husband to be different, then she wants girls nights out, and then she needs a ministry, and on and on it goes, spiraling into deep discontent and unhappiness. I have seen this happen so many times. It is easy as a single girl myself to become discontent. "Where is he?" Why have I not met him yet?" and on and on till I annoy myself enough to realize how foolish I am being. I had a job right out of high school for two years. I was involved in teaching, ministry, media and all the glamor that a big kingdom building job can offer. I was "doing something." living the high life. Making money, meeting famous people, educating kids, all that stuff. Then the Lord firmly shut that door. Then I thought, "What am I going to do? What am I doing with my life? How am I furthering the kingdom now?" My ever patient and godly father smiled and said, "You are growing, maturing, serving and making a difference right where you are." That made me feel better, but I still wasn't sure. What I was going to do didn't seem important, writing a children's book, teaching a class and volunteering at a school once a week. And also, I'm just a pastor's daughter. I go to church every time the doors are open, I plan church meals, edit slide shows, help plan the music, call people, and so forth. I help clean the house, take care of a demanding chocolate labrador, bake, etc. Nothing glamorous, and certainly nothing kingdom changing, I thought to myself. I just need a husband, then kids. Then I will be doing something useful, I thought. But he hasn't come yet. Then through a father and mother patiently teaching me and a very convicting sermon from my pastor-daddy, I came to realize that I was wrong. What I was doing out of high school, it did make a difference to the kids that I was teaching, but so is what I am doing now. There is something to be said of a "peaceful, quiet, godly and dignified life." Some people are called to minister in the glitz, but right now God has me in the mundane, the simple and the quiet. I am truly grateful. He humbled me and showed me the importance of simple obedience. Of the importance of loving Him, my neighbors, my family and my church by doing laundry, editing slide shows and playing with my dog. I do indeed long for the day my duties take on a wifely form, then a mommy form too. But, that hasn't come yet. Today has. Today, with it's simple joys. With it's simple call to obedience. With a simple call to humility. God's kingdom doesn't only advance through marketing and loud talk, it also advances in quiet, humble obedience. That is a lesson I learned. So whenever that "What am I doing?" question pops up, I can look down at what I am doing, and if I'm living rightly, I'm doing exactly what God wants me to do. And right now, that is getting ready to help mom with a pillow.

1 comment:

  1. That is beautiful. I went to school with your lovely mom in high school and college. Love to you! Caroline

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